2023 10YF Pre-Season Preview
by KodiiRockets 3 years ago
NFC East
Washington FT – Two words folks, in Ta’Amu we Trust! Wait, that’s more than two words? Oh, well two words, Jordan fucking Ta’Amu. Ruler of all that he surveys. Asogikoii’s team can be simply identified by its rags to riches story at QB. Can WFT repeat as SB Champs? Will Ta'Amu finish his 2nd full campaign at the helm with back to back passing titles? I think this division, and quite possibly, this league now belongs to Washington. I for one, accept our new DC overlords.
Dallas Cowboys – Is this the year that we see the back to back NFC East champs knocked off of their pedestal? Will Zeke continue to truck his way through the league before Smash’s right stick breaks off from his controller? How many times will he talk about Dak’s throws in chats during his games? We’ll see how the ‘boys bounce back after their divisional loss in the playoffs last year.
Philadelphia Eagles – Zep’s unconventional move of trading a QB on a rookie deal and using 3 first round picks have seemed to work out EXTREMELY well for Philly. Will Malik continue trending in this direction? The sky seems to be the limit for this kid. With the retirement of Brandon Brooks, this stellar line looks to keep their 2nd year Quarterback well protected and ready to make another run at the playoffs this season. This division is going to be tough folks.
NY Giants – With one year under Matt Corral’s belt, will this equate to a better finish for the G-Men? In addition to having what pundits declared 2023’s best draft, Chris Jones could be a key addition to help shore up a defense that was in the bottom 3rd in most statistical categories, leaving New York just on the outside looking in at the playoffs. Will the momentum of a strong late season push be carried over into camp? Does this team have enough to get over the hump in a division that featured 3 playoff teams? Hmm.
NFC West
Seattle Seahawks – A season that started out 3-8 and had everyone in Seattle questioning whether it was time to blow it up and start over again, somehow, inexplicably ended up in a close loss to the eventual SB champs in the NFC Championship game. We’re still trying to figure that out. We’ll see how much the loss of HOF MLB Bobby Wagner will affect this team’s fortunes this year. As usual, #SeahawksIn6
LA Rams – One of the most baffling moves of last season was Rams owner jdzero choosing to release Matt Stafford after trading for perennially mediocre QB Daniel Jones. Like whaaat? ‘Danny Dinero’ seemed to be the move this team needed. LA rallied around their new leader with the ‘slow’ face as well as a rededication to the run game to finish juuuust short of a NFC West crown in what was one of the most disappointing divisions. Poor baby. #SeahawksIn6
San Francisco 49ers – I’m just going to be honest here. This season’s offering from our boys in the bay was putrid and embarrassing for all involved. NickySavage does a ton of complaining, about literally everything, but in that, he’s usually fighting for a spot in the big dance at the end of the season. If 10YF seasons were tests, we’d remove last season from nicky’s grade, this was an anomaly of fuckall of EPIC proportions. We’ll see if these 9ers can piece it back together. Yet and still #SeahawksIn6
Arizona Cardinals – Our former brethren Saundco is back after finally getting a PS5. We’re happy to welcome him in a division that’s oddly been a turnstile of owners this cycle. After Arizona admins missed the memo that Free Agency had started, and missing out on some big name signings the first week of FA, can he re-acclimate himself to the game quickly enough to make a run at the playoffs this season? Let’s hope he’s the cog that brings this division out of the cellar. #SeahawksIn6
NFC North
Green Bay Packers – This is getting tiring at this point. We’d all assumed that A-Aron was the catalyst driving this well-oiled machine in ‘Titletown’ (ugh). This didn’t appear to be the case, as Jordan Love stepped in and didn’t miss a beat in the regular season, leading to a 12-5 record. Unfortunately, he didn’t miss a beat in keeping up the Packers now traditional, annual playoff collapse. Can they pull it off this year, lord, let’s hope not. Virtually or not, no one wants to see ‘the Pack’ win anything of significance, ever.
Minnesota Vikings – This is looking like the only real comp for GB in this division right now. For better or worse, 3rd year QB Kellen Mond has seemed to entrench himself in the position of QB1 in Minny, is that enough to get him to the playoffs after 2 seasons on the cusp? The addition of Darius Slay via trade may be the Davante stopper this team needs to establish itself in this division. This is the year to make that move, as RW and the Vikes have some key FAs to evaluate going into next season. Looks like now or never.
Detroit Lions – After another season of fighting for every inch, the Lions came up short. Last year’s 1st overall pick Kayvon Thibodeaux spent most of the season in the training room, will this be another story of a kid that’s clearly got what it takes to play at this level, but just can’t stay healthy? Time will tell. Warden has proven that this Lions bond is about family, this was further reinforced with the addition of Penei Sewell’s younger brother, MLB Noah being added to the squad with the 11th pick in the draft. Another season of Goff, another disappointment? Probably.
Chicago Bears – Another late season letdown from Chicago, hey, what’s new? This marks 2 years in a row for the people’s gold name. Kui has these Bears scrapping in the early season, but for one reason or the other, things seem to fall apart in the end. I’m not sure we’ll see our former champ return to greatness at this point. Can he prove us wrong and meet the expectations of what should be one of the toughest divisions in 10YF? Possibly.
NFC South
Tampa Bay Buccaneers – This was almost disastrous, last year’s review said SB or bust for this team, ‘22 was definitely the latter. After somehow, inexplicably losing twice to division loudmouth Panthers, Born was able to reel it back in and put things together for an end of the season run that culminated in an early playoff ouster. TB12 is back, he’s ready to take what’s his, for one last ride. #TB12 Revenge season confirmed.
New Orleans Saints – Alright folks, these boys down in NO are legit. No doubt about it. 2nd year QB Grayson McCall is looking primed for some playoff experience and poised to make a run at the crown. The additions of HOF MLB Bobby Wagner, and WR Jarvis Landry show that Alkhalde clearly has his eyes set on the ‘ship. They’re close, but they’re going to end up needing as much help as they can get for what’s rounding out to be one of the tougher divisions in the league.
Atlanta Falcons – After removing one of our most esteemed members, clearly in an effort to take over his team, evil schedule Nazi Sueppel has taken over the reins in Atlanta. 2nd year starter Sam Howell has received some help, and last season’s division winner has added RB Aaron Jones to pair with rookie stalwart Zach Charbonnet, to demonstrate what is clearly the deadliest rushing attack in 10YF. With the team switching from 34 to 43 this year, it was clear that the defense was holding this team back. Dirtybirds are a force to be reckoned with.
Carolina Panthers – DimeSZN didn’t seem to be enough. Although our Panthers owner ADot clearly has the chops to hilariously talk a good game, will he be able to back it up this year? We clearly see growth in his game, but will that growth, coupled with Jalen Hurts on again/off again playing help get him over the hump? The trade of Carson Strong shows that not even he believes that. Will this new rivalry with the 49ers fuel this team enough to make some noise in the NFC? If you ask ADot, you’re damn right it will, because he’s pushin’ P. At the time of writing, we still have yet to determine what ‘P’ is.
AFC EAST
New England Patriots – After what was an incredibly disappointing first round exit at the hands of the Chiefs, our resident Pats Stan and leader of the HAVOC clan, Lynchy, is out for blood. Although the Patriots didn’t seem to address their off-season concern of adding a big name WR, they did add some pieces and are always deadly. Our 2021 champs come into the season with a lot more comp to deal with in the AFC East, more importantly, the TE’s that roam this division seem to be the only thing that could possibly stop keep him at bay.
Miami Dolphins – Never in the history of football has a TE put up a season more prolific than what Mike Gesicki just did. After leading the league in receptions, yardage, and TDs, we can’t imagine what’s in store for us for the 2023 season. A strained cap situation may help to dismantle what was looking to be the start of a powerhouse in the East. The games aren’t only played on the field kids, there’s some accounting work and cap management needed as well. The remnants of this team will be ravaged.
Buffalo Bills – Is Josh Allen in love with Dawson Knox? Is he aware that Steph Diggs is on his team as well? Obviously those questions aren’t important to Knickerbocker, as he saw his first appearance in the playoffs last season. This team came to play every single week, a surprising season ending in a Divisional loss has left these Bills hungry for more. We’ve got a battle for Northeastern USA ladies and girls!
New York Jets – Ohhh Joey, Joey, Joey…What can I say here folks? After a scorching hot 4-0 start that had many in the league believing that that Jets had finally turned that corner, our heroes from East Rutherford could only muster 2 more wins of the 13 that remained, finishing the season 6-11. On the upside, NY saw both Safeties represent them in the Pro-Bowl, and with the addition of Mitch Morse at C, the Jets hope to take last year’s early momentum into the new season. Season 4 is STILL not here yet.
AFC WEST
Denver Broncos – Alright, druww has quickly proven that he is indeed, ‘bout that action boss’, since joining us for the new cycle, druww has quickly brought his (low)pass first philosophy to Denver and is showcasing the west coast passing game in a way that would make Bill Walsh blush. The issue seems to be that fatigue and colder temperatures in December seem to hold this team back in the late season and the playoffs, as the Broncos seem to flutter a bit in the big show. This may be the year that those playoff demons are exercised in the Mile High city?
LV Raiders – We tried to warn you boys, every shit season with these Raiders is followed by a good one, and Las Vegas showed that to be true last season by earning the top seed in the AFC at 15-2. The unfortunate side of that, is what usually comes after a good season…Is the divisional collapse a sign of things to come in the new season? Will CoachFlood and the Silver and Black continue their rollercoaster of alternating winning and losing seasons? We’ll see if ARodg still has what it takes to compete at the highest level in the toughest conference in the League.
KC Chiefs – After losing a heated battle with the Bucs in FA last season, this year, the Chiefs finally have their guy. “Lordarelle” Patterson has been added to Jazz’s fold and provides an additional weapon to future HOF QB Patrick Mahomes. After dealing with a litany of issues at the WR position, KC was able to overcome one of the leagues toughest schedules, as well as road in the playoffs as the 7th seed, only to come up short in the SB. They’re re-tooled on D and as ready to rock, will it be enough to make another SB run?
LA Chargers – Our newest member to the family, mpunwin(whatever the fuck that means) has an arduous road ahead of him, welcome to hell kid! The Chargers have made some offseason moves that were big, no doubt. How much success they’ll see with the addition of Chris Carson, as well as an off-season trade that saw SD/LA staple Keenan Allen dealt for draft capital. Some recalibration was obviously needed in LA to get over the proverbial hump. Only time will tell if they can they surprise us and hold their own in the best conference in the league.
AFC North
Cleveland Browns –After re-signing Baker Mayfield, the Browns were obviously feeling dangerous, and came through with one of the biggest surprises in 10YF, finishing the ’22 season 3rd in the AFC at 12-5. Due to an unfortunate technical error, their playoff game was not able to be broadcast, so no one knows what happened in their Wildcard loss against the Bills. No stats, no record of it, nothing, as if it never happened. I can’t even believe I’m saying this, but Cavs may be the best user in this division. Yeah, I know, let that sink in for a minute. I feel dirty even saying this, pardon me while I go shower.
Baltimore Ravens – After 2 straight seasons ending in disappointment and missing out on the playoffs, the Ravens owner Escobar decided it was time for a change in Baltimore. The writing was on the wall when there was only a 2 year offer made for Lamar Jackson, and our suspicions were confirmed once the league’s most exciting player was moved in a deal for draft capital, as well as what many in the Charm City feel is their QB of the future in former Heisman Winner Desmond Ritter. With the additional draft capital, the Ravens loaded up with a bevy of talent on defense, which might be just what the doctor ordered.
Cincinatti Bengals – Somehow, someway, Skynet has managed to not only compete in this trash division, but for a time they were busting ass. As cruel as the Madden gods are in keeping us from filling this team with a user. We march on, robo Big Dick Joe is back again and this time, he’s serious. Besides stealing Blind Bid players and making the dumbest fucking draft picks ever, there’s really not more that I can say about this team but F*** YOU EA. Fix this bullshit.
Pittsburgh Steelers – Sometimes you choose the right guy, sometimes you don’t. But for LEGEND OF NYC, neither of these were the case. He inherited 1st round pick Carson Strong and blames him for the ineptitude displayed in Pittsburgh last season. After what was an abysmal start, the Steelers were able to pull out a win and possibly gain some momentum going into next season by ending an awful ’22 campaign with a win to finish 1-16. #1 overall pick Bryce Young is the future of the franchise. What that future entails? We’ll find after commercial break, on 10YF today.
AFC South
Tennessee Titans – I…I seriously don’t know wtf is going on with this division. It would seem that Syndicate and the Titans had what was by far the easiest road to a division title, but let it slip through their grasp. With that in mind, the Titans have absolutely LOADED UP on offensive talent, making a blockbuster deal for QB Lamar Jackson for starters. The addition of Diontae Johnson and Austin Hooper in the mix with Julio and AJ Brown shows that clearly, this team has something to prove this year.
Indianapolis Colts – A 3-8 start did not deter gphenom, these Colts fought hard, and after a mid-season QB change from and aging Matt Ryan, it seems that Jacob Eason is the guy in Indy. The 4th year QB helped the horsies to overcome their tough start and win this division last year at…6-11. After adding veteran WR Keenan Allen to couple with rising star Michael Pittman Jr., it proves that this Colts team isn’t just about defense and missing FGs. They’re here to compete.
Houston Texans – The Texans showed up every game last season, unfortunately, in this league, showing up isn’t enough. Because of the putrid nature of this division, Houston was in the playoff hunt late in the season. Even though they finished w/ 6-11 record, they were in a 3 way tie for the lead in the godforsaken AFC South. Pairing veteran Melvin Gordon with 3rd year phenom Nate McCrary will help to shore up the running game a bit more. Key additions of Jason Kelce and Kendrick Bourne may help this team see more success this year.
Jacksonville Jaguars – Another HUGE surprise last season was the Frenchman and his Jags. Not only did this team struggle to the tune of 3-14, there were many rumblings around Jacksonville that perhaps Trevor Lawrence was not the man we thought he was. As crazy as it sounds to say following a season this terrible, the Jags are our playoff dark horse. I have a sneaking suspicion that they may climb their way from the 2nd worst team in the league to at the very least a spot in the Wildcard. Viva la France or some shit.